People who are the targets of domestic violence may try:
- act out verbally or physically against an abuser. That can include yelling, pushing or hitting during conflicts.
- An abuser might use those actions to manipulate you, claiming they're proof that you're the abusive one.
- An abuser also might downplay or explain away their own actions, causing you to doubt your experiences of abuse. This is called gaslighting.
Many people dealing with domestic violence develop some behaviors that can harm their health. Those behaviors might include trying to avoid or ignore certain situations, thoughts or feelings. Some people may drink too much alcohol or use illegal drugs. Others may attempt to harm themselves with actions such as cutting as a way to try to deal with the stress. Engaging in these behaviors doesn't mean you are at fault for the abuse or that you deserve it.
If you're having trouble identifying what's happening, take a step back. Look at larger patterns in your relationship. Think about whether those patterns seem to be signs of a healthy relationship or not. Then review the signs of domestic violence. In an abusive relationship, the person who routinely uses those behaviors is the abuser. The person on the receiving end is being abused.